I always pass on advice, it's the only thing you can do with it. (Mark Twain)
Author: Stephan Michalik; 21.03.2022
Who does not know this: Colleagues, friends or the partner give obviously well-meant but mostly also unwanted and above all unsolicited advice.
And then, when an unsolicited advice is given, is more often than not a somewhat uneasy feeling. The reason for this feeling is that the person giving unsolicited advice is behaving in a way that crosses boundaries, is encroaching, and is thus sometimes even hurtful. Unasked advice therefor arrive often as "blows".
Advice often contains negative evaluations or direct or indirect criticism. After all, the advice is intended to make the other person do something differently, behave differently or even be completely different.
Why unsolicited advice is given
At first glance, unsolicited advice often appears to be well-intentioned and is often meant to be helpful by the person giving the unsolicited advice. Unsolicited advice arises from the need to provide assistance, to solve a problem.
However, unsolicited advice arises unconsciously in most cases from the motivation to teach others and quickly have the character of an instruction. The person who gives unsolicited advice unconsciously puts himself above the other person with this behavior. Questions the ability of the person to work independently on a solution and to find it. If a partner gives unsolicited advice to the other person, there is a lack of appreciation and trust that the other person can solve the issue, the problem or the situation on his or her own. In dealing with each other, little love, affection, appreciation and trust is shown here.
Advice in relationships
In a professional context, in a friendship context, in a family context and especially in partnerships, this can lead to fundamental interpersonal problems in the long run.
Especially in partnerships, such behavior can put a lot of strain on a relationship.
The partner often perceives the unsolicited advice as criticism of his or her own person.
Thus behind an advice always stands directly or indirectly a desire for personality change. With each piece of advice, the personal freedom of the partner is increasingly pushed into the background, as behaviors, personality and opinions are questioned.
If unsolicited advice is given regularly and affects the partner in his personality, a harmonious relationship is not possible in the long run.
Unless you are specifically asked for it, it is usually better to hold back on giving advice.
Tips for dealing with unsolicited advice:
Ignore the unsolicited advice.
Don't give unsolicited advice yourself.
Actively encourage, invite the partner to give advice.
Ask if the other wants to have feedback or advice. Accept a "no".
Thanking the person for the advice and expressing one's own thoughts about it.
Do not talk other people into or out of things.
The best compliment to a person is simply to accept them as they are.
Author: Stephan Michalik (Translated with deepl.com)
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