We humans have many different ways of dealing with difficult situations. In the family, with (former?) friends in relationships. Some things often get in the way: e.g. our own feelings.
by Olaf Zanger, April 2, 2022
Reconcile? With whom?
The reconciliation ritual is to cleanse one's emotional and mental world alone (without the presence of the person concerned). The goal is to be able to meet the currently negatively connected person in the future life without the burden of negative, old feelings and thoughts. This is not limited to the real world, but also applies to deceased parents or to people whom one no longer wants to see.
Background
We present here the ritual of reconciliation from the book, linked below, "Zueinander Finden". This is intentionally very concrete. The goal is to see that quite a big effect comes from something quite simple. For those who are not comfortable with so little information, we highly recommend purchasing the book and combing through it. You will find many more great approaches in it.
The ritual itself
Preparation
Organize one of the most beautiful photos of the (negatively) connected person you can find.
Go to a place where you can be undisturbed for 75 minutes.
If you do not want to lie on the floor during the prostration, organize a yoga mat. Otherwise, sweep the floor before the prostration.
Strength Gathering 10"
These minutes are used to strengthen yourself for the next good class. That is, to gain enough energy to actually do the difficult emotional work with yourself.
Breathe quickly.
Move your arms bent to support your breathing. Your fists are clenched.
Let bad feelings out 15"
Be really bad. Be the overemotional, totally selfish drama queen in your reconciliation theater.
Yell, punch, kick at the image of the person you are trying to reconcile.
Say, for example, "I hate you for xy."
And detail your feelings from that time. Confront the opponent with the consequences of his behavior.
Earth 5" again.
Breathe slowly and deeply.
Turn 360 degrees.
Visualize how much water has flowed down the river since then.
Now become aware of your own part.
Say 3 times, "I'm sorry if I hurt you."
Love and Appreciation 15"
Stand in namasté in front of the picture.
Remind yourself of all that is good.
Then become aware that perhaps the other person was simply acting from a different (world) view or reality. Maybe all your own assumptions about the other person are not true?
Go into the feelings of "gratitude" and "appreciation".
Go into the most beautiful image of the other you ever had. Maybe the image you had at the beginning of the relationship with the person.
Say a simple positive emotional sentence that you really mean. Follow each sentence with a prostration in 3 steps:
Kneel down with your hands in "Namasté."
Bend forward, head on the floor, hands forward on the floor in namasté.
Lie down on the floor with hands extended far forward in namasté.
Pause a little.
Stand up.
Repeat with the next emotional set. Do the whole thing for at least 4 sets. More helps more.
Make confession 10"
Now tell the picture all the mistakes you yourself have made. Everything that could have hurt the other person.
For example, everything that you have concealed, withheld from the other person, denied.
If you are really sorry, say it out loud.
Then ask for forgiveness.
Make peace with yourself and the other person 10"
Sit up straight.
Feel inside yourself.
Notice your feelings.
Breathe into your belly.
Further use
This reconciliation ritual can be applied to individuals. It is equally suitable for reconciliation with one's own or the opposite sex, reconciliation with other nationalities, cultures or religions.
Conclusion
Rituals allow us to draw on the knowledge of the wise without having to go through all the experiences ourselves.
With the reconciliation ritual we have the possibility to cleanse ourselves from poisoning emotions and thoughts. After the purification, these emotions and thoughts are no longer or not so strongly involved in our decisions. On this basis, a freer decision-making is possible. "Freedom," in the original sense.
The power comes from doing it
Try it in the next 7 days. Just reconcile with the one person you hate the most, find the most stupid, like the least. Or with the person you would like to be closer to again.
If you are in coaching, mediation, therapy or want to support a loved one: suggest the Reconciliation Ritual. If you are close enough, maybe support in the execution.
Our culture is poor in reconciliation. Such a ritual has great importance. Those who have experience in leading such a ritual may want to make a play out of it for children. Maybe with a nice explanation suitable for children.
Links
Book (available in german only): Zueinander finden
Translated with www.deepl.com
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