Violence arises from the belief that other people cause our pain and deserve punishment for it. (Marshall Bertram Rosenberg 1934-2015)
Passive aggressive behavior. What is it actually? How can this be recognized, what are the causes and how can it best be dealt with.
Author: Stephan Michalik; 24.03.2022
How passive aggressive behavior manifests itself
Passive aggressiveness is a type of behavior that is characterized by a fundamentally negative attitude and indirect, passive refusal to meet requirements of any kind in interpersonal relationships. In extreme cases, the person destructively refuses to cooperate and reacts to every demand with passive resistance and subliminal aggression.
The behavior is reminiscent of toddler (defiant phase) or defiant adolescent behavior. Constructive solutions are not sought, agreements are not made or not kept and a possible clarifying dispute is avoided. They say "yes" and think "no". Inwardly, anger builds up in the person, which can then suddenly and unannounced discharge itself. Thoughts and behavior do not match.
The causes of passive aggressive behavior
In passive aggressive behavior, the person has the impression of being treated unfairly, misunderstood, or taken advantage of. Behind this thought is the feeling of not being allowed or able to express one's own needs. The cause of these thoughts is a weakly developed self-esteem; the thought or the feeling dominates not to be worth it to be allowed to express the own needs.
The suppression of these needs triggers anger in the passive-aggressive person. This rage is also suppressed at first, but then it grows and builds up until, at a certain point, it expresses itself as aggression.
Often the person has made experiences mostly in childhood that boundaries were not respected, needs were not considered and respected. This early childhood experience results in beliefs such as "I am not allowed to express my needs" or "My boundaries are not respected". This can manifest itself in different ways in interpersonal relationships. In professional, family, friendship and partnership relationships, passive-aggressive behavior can manifest itself to varying degrees.
5 typical behaviors of passive-aggressive people:
The environment is manipulated, e.g., a bad conscience is made for others.
Poor work performance is deliberately achieved, projects are boycotted.
Conflicts are not fought out, a dispute is avoided, conflict-shy behavior
Poisoned praise or poisoned compliments are expressed, belittling of the person.
Constant interrupting of the interlocutor.
5 Tips Dealing with passive aggressive people:
Addressing them directly, addressing cooperative solutions.
Convey the feeling of taking the passive aggressive person's need seriously.
Make clear announcements and demand clear answers.
Reveal strategies, address them - do not accept excuses.
Raise one's own self-esteem.
Résumé:
Mindfully and consciously observe the behavior of your relationship partner.
Dealing with passive aggressive people can be very stressful and put a lot of strain on relationships, this behavior destroys mutual respect. Therefore, it is important to put a stop to this behavior and to show boundaries. If this does not succeed, you should ask yourself whether it is worth it to maintain this relationship, which costs a lot of strength and energy.
Better an end with horror than horror without end.
(translated by www.deepl.com)
Comments